Damn I’m intense

Sometimes I feel like I’m failing: like really. I get so revved up and try ry to get to 120 not remembering I’ve gone way Pat the 100 mark. When I get to 110 I feel like I haven’t accomplished my goals and I’m a complete failure. 
I’ve learned over the years that I’m my biggest critic. I’ve had incidents where even at work I feel like I’m doing terrible only to hear from my peers and my leaders that I’m doing fine. This intensity is why I have anything I have. It’s what’s separates me from your system the pack. My conpetitive advantage has never been being often he brightest in the room, just the hungriest. I once went in an interview for a job i wanted really badly, my dream job of being a trader at the time and told the manager.. If there’s anyone outside that’s as hungry as I am for this job.. They should have it and they deserve it. I got the job.

Intensity however comes at a price. Myond never stops working and I’m always pushing others around me to go as hard. The thing is, we are all unique and there needs to be balance in all we do. At what point do we celebrate the now and the individuality of others while still maintaining our persona. This has caused me to push others away or even over the edge. It’s also separated me from environments that were once home. 

tAcknowledging  this has been a big step for me. tAcknowledging that I have to be mindful of my intensity, my determination and understanding that sometimes others are happy in where they are and that’s okay. We are all unique, we are all individuals and at the end of the day it’s about what makes each of us smile. 

Looking in the mirror and acknowledging the reflection is never easy. I won’t apologize for who I am but at the same time, no one should either. We don’t all operate at the same speed and that’s what makes the world beautiful. Learning to accept the good and bad of my intensity and the impact it has on others is something I’ll constantly be working on. I won’t however change who i am, I’ll just installed surveillance cameras and protect others from me. That might mean never working with friends or family, stepping back where my passion doesn’t align with others or even allowing others to drive sometimes. When I’m in I’m all in. 


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